A True Southerner

swing · Post by **swing** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 9:25 am

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie
fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --
you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens,
turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the
general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -
as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some
sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance
that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They
might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best
gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of
hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the
neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large
banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference
between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know
that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the
flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun,
a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a
resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a
first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and
scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines.
We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we
talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will
discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat
them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits,
and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a
breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast
food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself
lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet
tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like
our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of
friends you, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter.

21.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at
little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just
say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

NC Beagler · Post by **NC Beagler** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 9:52 am

Too funny....and so true!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 9:53 am

Well spoken Trent! All is true, don't you just love the south and the gentle ways of it's folks, lol.

bowhunter59 · Post by **bowhunter59** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 10:14 am

yea but the bad part is when them dang yankees come down here we got to teach them how to talk!had a guy come work for me one time and he was trying to be nice and wanted to buy us all a coke!so he says !YOOS GUYS WANT A POP !!!we all about rolled of the roof we were working on with laughter!thats been 6 yrs ago and every now and then we still laugh about that! he was a good guy and we let him stay !!

New York Hillbilly · Post by **New York Hillbilly** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 11:28 am

Bowhunter,
Come on lets not start that "dang yankee" stuff again. Yoos guys should take care not to hurt our feelings so much. As far as only a true southerner list goes I'll add one more 'Only a true southerner cares".

Now don't get your grits in an up roar cause I'm only funnin with yoos guys. And I don't want to start the war over again. Yes it has been over for a long time now! We can be brothers again and this Yankee tries to treat his southern brothers that way. So lets not get rough OK ? Up here we respectfully refer to those old ladies as "blue hairs" you can just see them over the wheel.

We do not yell and swear at them, we just help move the over so we can go by. And you know if I was standing on the ground watching yoos guys on the roof I could tell the Yank even without hearing the speech patterns. He would be the one working!

Again just funnin! Now "Y'all have a nice day"
Remember yoos guys are always welcome at my table or to run with my pack. That it is you don't mind that I talk funny. By the way did you ever notice our hounds sound the same?
Peace,
Your NYH brother

bowhunter59 · Post by **bowhunter59** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 2:18 pm

OK NYHILLBILLY I'LL CALL BACK THE TROOPS !JUST FUNNING WITH YOOS GUYS !JUST GO DRINK A POP U'LL BE ALRIGHT LOL!AND BY THE WAY HE WAS A GOOD WORKER!

New York Hillbilly · Post by **New York Hillbilly** » Thu Jan 30, 2003 9:20 pm

Bowhunter,
Sounds like a plan, and it's my treat. To heck with the "pop" how bout some "sweet tea"? Believe it our not I was raised on hocks and greens, ox-tail soup, giblet gravy and some of the best corn bread on earth compliments of my mamma. And if you think I'm just shuckin your corn I'll be glad to bring a note from mamma to set you straight. P.S. She also makes sweet potato and pecan pies that are the envy of the area. And to make matters better after 25 years of being married to my wife she cooks just like my mamma and not like hers. OOOOhhhhh soooo goood!!

NYH

bowhunter59 · Post by **bowhunter59** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 12:05 am

SO WHAT TIME IS SUPPER LOL !I LOVE SWEET TEA !MASHTATERS .AND PINTO BEANS BIG SLICE OF HAM HHHHMMM!

Post by **Bev** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 12:30 am

Variation on the same theme, a common dinner was pinto beans (cooked with jowl bacon) cornbread and fried taters - gotta cut up some onions and maters on the side. Dessert was often 'nanner puddin' or jello with nanners cut up in it. Later, as a bedtime snack, you take some of the leftover cornbread and crumble it up into sweet milk - eat like ceral with a spoon, then drink the rest of the milk straight from the bowl or cup.

The best breakfast in the world was chockolate gravy and biskits (hot chocolate pudding/pie filling poured over fresh biscuits) served with ice-cold sweet milk.

Ground beef is called hamburger meat. Believe it or not, we put lard in the fying pan before we fried hamburgers.......come to think of it, we put lard in the frying pan before we fried anything. Wonder why my cholesterol is 356?

Here's a question - How many folks know what "dry-land fish" are?

joakes · Post by **joakes** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 1:28 am

Morels........Shrooms ........mmmm

Lynn Perkins · Post by **Lynn Perkins** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 6:11 am

Bev where i grew up in Southern Ky, dry-land fish we called " hickory- chicken" and i think for the most part, the mushrooms were labeled based on their flavor???? All's i know They're Gooodddd !!!!!!

Maynard · Post by **Maynard** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 7:34 am

Lynn my dad grow up in Brushy creek . Some of the thing you all eat down there might sound different but sure is good .

swing · Post by **swing** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 10:12 am

Here is a few more I thot of, my dad likes to use this one.
If something happens kinda out of the way he say. " I swan to my time" and if some almost happens it" pertnear" happened, and if it does happen he say" my word".
Just thot id add those to see if anyone else had heard of them.
Trent

Post by **Bev** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 11:07 am

One of my favorites (and I still use it) is "nary'n", which means not a one, none, or nary a one. Yor'n (yours), her'n (hers), his'n (his) are also southern derivitives of "your one", "her one", "his one". In sentence structure it would appear as:

Who's car is gonna carry us to the Piggly Wiggly? I don't have nary'n. Why use her'n when we can use his'n? That car of yor'n would do right fine, too 'ceptin' hit needs new tars on it.

James Carman · Post by **James Carman** » Fri Jan 31, 2003 12:04 pm

Why on't y'all quit talkin at ere trash. I ain't got time fer no more un it. I got to git over to mominems. She's a fixin vittles fer all un us. Possum n sweet taters. Mmm. Shore will be a goodern.

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