The Best Cat Story Ever

[Emery]

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because
the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
head injury and I hoped I
would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I could think
up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking
my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from
the kitchen. "Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it for me."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if
it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a
statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.


I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is
the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without
any respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me
into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at
the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around
the corner and had stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At
precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced
with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only
the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly
impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully
briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their
work while suppressing hysterical laughter.


Back at the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me.

I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the
matter, cat got your tongue?"

IF THEY HAD ONLY KNOWN !!

[TC]

Bad Kitty Bad Kitty Here dog here dog Good Puppy

[Clyde Gott]

Emery...you have got to tell this one at the Beagle meeting this thursday.

I may me running late (as usual) so please wait until I get there.

I'm sorry but I can't stop laughing...