Dear Dogs....

[tiffinis]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.



Dear Dogs:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -canine attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-dog Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Dogs:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my dogs a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[EagleBeagler]

thats good lololololol

[HatterasBob]

tuffinis,
I must take exception to #7. When I was a boy, my parents had a yard party, kids would call it a kegger today. The following day there was plenty of beer left over. My father being the beer drinker he was couldn't stand the though of wasting all that beer and he could only drink so much by himself before it spoiled. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, he decided to mix it with the dog food. Most of our beagles turned their noses up to the spiked food, ever seen a beagle refuse food? One of our beagles thought it was great and got plastered. That poor dog wanted to stop the world and get off. She howled all night long and my father had to sit in the pen and comfort her all night to keep from waking the neighbors. I guess it deserved him right for spiking the food. I suspect they when both hung over the following day.

[tiffinis]

bob, I can see it. Paybacks are not always fun from the natural world and he brought that one on himself. I would have had to chuckle from the window if I had been in the house.

[WrongsideRandy]

That is the cutest thing I have ever read !!!! And sad but TRUE,,,my girls actually stay standing once they have gotten up and got dressed for school they know not to sit on the FUR-niture cuz of the hair! LOL,,,Thanks for the doggy note! Shannon

[tiffinis]

In my house the truest one is the bathroom.....