News flash: The year 2029

[Bev]

News flash: The year 2029
>
> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in
> the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,
> formally known as California.
>
> Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United
> States crops and livestock.
>
> Baby conceived naturally . . scientists stumped.
>
> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual
> marriage.
>
> Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the
> American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known
> as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
>
> Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will
> take at least 10 more years before radioactivity
> decreases to safe levels.
>
> France pleads for global help after being overtaken by
> Jamaica. (rotfl!)
>
> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now
> be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has
> banned all smoking.
>
> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
>
> Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to
> $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
>
> 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the
> key to weight loss.
>
> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
>
> Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a
> fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman
> with her mouth shut.
>
> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
>
> Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates
> their civil rights.
>
> Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven
> inches.
>
> New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
> screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers
> must be registered by January 2036.
>
> Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal
> political contributions to campaign accounts.
>
> Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex
> with congressman.
>
> IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
>
> Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting
> machine

[Beagles_BlueticksJM]

Aint that somthing