The Middle Wife

[Emery]

The Middle Wife

By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and Usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,
pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing
kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an
infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about
his birthday.
First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then
Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate
for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching
her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,
'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She
walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!
Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back
and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she
doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down
with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are
miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'"
"They started counting, but never even got past ten."
"Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky
stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of
stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Life is meant to be lived . . . enjoy!

Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.